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[infinitefirefly.livejournal.com]

I had this idea written down on paper for MONTHS, and decided to write it up during my study break. XD Silly crack humour is ♥

Akatsuki drama:

Itachi and Oro-chan fall into a little disagreement over bubblegum.

Orochimaru wrinkled his nose slightly when Itachi walked by him, facial expression contorting into one of distaste.

“Is that watermelon, Itachi-kun?” Orochimaru said disbelievingly.

Itachi stopped, then slowly turned to look at him, blowing an enormous pink bubble in the process.

“That’s all he chews, Oro-chan,” Kisame snorted.

Orochimaru smirked defiantly.

“Grape is better.”

Itachi’s bubble popped and the room fell into a tense silence as two of Akatsuki’s most powerful members stared each other down.

“I like grape, yeah, but watermelon is pretty fantastic. Yeah…Kisame-kun likes seaweed flavour I bet, yeah? Hurhurhur…”

Needless to say it was Deidera whispering gleefully in the corner to the annoyed shark man.

“Deidera…”

Perky. “Yeah?”

“Just shut the hell up.”

Deflated. “…yeah.”

Both returned their attention to the Uchiha and Orochimaru.

Chewing slowly, Itachi maintained his expression of emotional vacancy as Orochimaru’s smirk grew wider.

“Do you disagree, Itachi-kun?”

“Yes,” the Uchiha replied blandly, and an audible gasp sounded from everyone in the room.

Orochimaru’s smirk faded a little, and then his pretty purple eye-shadowed eyes narrowed.

“Grape is better than watermelon.”

An obstinate pop.

“Nothing is better than watermelon.”

“Yes there is, and that would be grape,” Orochimaru hissed.

“Watermelon.

“Grape.”

“Watermelon.”

“GRAPE.”

“Watermelon.”

“GRAPE!”

Orochimaru’s pale skin was beginning to flush whereas Itachi’s expressionless face refused to waver.

Kisame flinched, knowing too well what would happen if Orochimaru lost this argument.

“Grape is better,” Orochimaru insisted, his voice unusually high-pitched.

Itachi may have noticed this, but of course didn’t bother to comment. He merely blew another bubble.

“So you admit it, then?” Orochimaru said, his voice still high-pitched.

“Grape isn’t worth arguing over,” Itachi replied coolly, and Orochimaru’s face turned bright red.

“You…you take that back!” he squeaked, tone choked.

Itachi stared at him, then spoke flatly.

“Grape tastes like hydrogenated whale fat.”

The room fell into a complete and utter silence.

Sasori blinked hazily from the corner, a small, creepy smile adorning his face as he broke the silence with a soft murmur.

“Oh, no, he didn’t...”

Orochimaru gaped at Itachi, eyes wide with shock, before he whimpered and tears suddenly spilled over his cheeks.

Sobbing hysterically, he covered his eyes with his forearm and ran out of the room, leaving an unmoved Itachi in his wake.

“Why’d you have to do that, Itachi?” Kisame sighed.

“Orochimaru-sama!” Kabuto ran after his master, but not before throwing a dirty look at the Uchiha.

Itachi merely reached into his pocket.

“Because,” he answered, placing a wrapped piece of Hubba Bubba in Kisame’s hand.

“Nothing is better than watermelon.”

**********

Note:...I would die if someone drew this. XD