Chapter 301 crack

[brichibi.livejournal.com]

I was too lazy to make this into a fic or something, so...

This was totally the chapter of our lovely creator doing everything in his power to NOT show Sasuke!  We all know that grand moment won't happen until Naruto runs in screaming his beloved's *coughs* er... his friend's name.  And so, the crack begins!

Sai:  I am called Sai.  And you are Uchiha Sasuke.
Sasuke:  Get lost.
Orochimaru and Kabuto:  ...
Sai:  That's not very nice...
Orochimaru:  Psst, you have to talk about Naruto to get him to warm up to you  *whispers into Sai's ear*
Sai:  Oh?  *looks over at Sasuke*  Um... Naruto-kun has thought about you a lot.
Sasuke:  He... has?  *starts to step out of the shadows*
Sai:  Yep.  Sakura says that he thinks of you like a brother.
Kabuto:  Ouch.
Orochimaru:  Rejected.
Sasuke:  ... *goes back into the shadows before anyone can see him*  I Only have one brother, one I want to kill.
Sai:  Wait... he was starting to come out... what did I do wrong?
Orochimaru:  How would you feel if the boy you've been wanting for 301 chapters thought of you as a brother?
Sai:  ... oh... good point... ouch.

*outside the cave of doom*

Naruto:  Gonna get Sasuke back gonna get Sasuke back gonna get Sasuke back gonna get Sasuke back!
Yamato:  Wait!  Take these pills first.
Naruto:  Which one?  The red pill or the blue pill?
Yamato:  Well... the blue pill makes you forget all reality, the red one lets you remain in the matrix.  Or... was it the other way around?
Sakura:  Oh for heaven's sake, it's a manga chapter, everything is in black and white!
Naruto:  Oh yeah... *takes a pill*
Sakura:  *takes a pill too*
Yamato:  What color do you think they'll be in the anime? 
Sakura:  The pills?
Yamato:  Yes, so if anyone wants to cosplay me they can do it accurately.
Naruto:  ... who would want to cosplay you when there's 10 million Time Jump characters to do?
Yamato:  Hey!  I have fans!  It's not like I'm a filler character!
Sakura:  I've seen filler cosplay before...
Haku:  Um... hello?  What happened to going to get Sasuke back?
Sakura:  Why do you keep coming back?
Haku:  Because I still want closure damnit!
Naruto:  All right all right... 

*back inside the cave*

Sasuke:  So... you were in a hot springs with Naruto?
Sai:  Um... I-I wouldn't call it... that...
Sasuke:  You saw him naked?  *glares*
Sai:  No!  I wasn't even paying attention...
Kabuto:  Yes you were, you mentioned his penis enough times...
Sai:  *glares at Kabuto*
Kabuto:  *smiles sweetly*  I still don't like you, bitch.
Naruto:  *running in*  SASUKE! 
Haku:  Oi, that was pathetic!  It's been 301 chapters, make the scream count! 
Naruto:  Right right... *takes a deep breath*  SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASUKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
Everyone:  *claps*

Sasuke:  *starts to come out of the shadows*  Naruto...
Sai:  Shouldn't we be fighting them or something?
Kabuto:  Oh yeah... fight fight fight.
Orochimaru:  Punch punch punch hiss.
Naruto:  Sasuke... *blinks*  why are you in the shadows?
Orochimaru:  He's been in there this whole time, he won't come out of the closet-er... shadows.
Kabuto:  Yeah, we don't even know what Time Jump Sasuke looks like since he's always over there sulking.
Naruto:  Sasuke, come out so I can see you.
Sasuke:  Why should I?
Naruto:  Because we're friends, we're like brothers.
Yamato:  Ouch.
Sakura:  Burn.
Haku:  Jesus christ I hate this series... *thwaps Naruto*  Don't say that!

Sasuke:  *shrinks into the shadows more* 
Orochimaru:  Oh... oh sweetie, he didn't mean that... please come back out.
Sasuke:  No  *pouts*
Naruto:  What did I say?  We are like brothers...
Sakura:  Naruto shut up!
Haku:  *sighs*  He wants to be MORE than your brother.
Naruto:  More?
Sai:  You know... penis.
Naruto:  Huh?
Sai:  Penis penis penis... that still doesn't work huh?
Haku:  Naruto... do you remember Zabuza-san?
Naruto:  Um... oh yeah!
Haku:  That's what he wants.
Naruto:  ACK!  He wants to try and stab me to get to Kakashi-sensei?
Haku:  *rolls his eyes*  NOT that part!  The last part in our episodes.
Naruto:  He wants to die with me?
Sasuke:  Now wait a second... I'm not dying with anyone, I'm still young.

Sakura:  Oh for heaven's sake, read a doujinshi sometime!
Haku:  Or a fic, god.
Naruto:  ... oh!  I get it now!  *walks over to the shadows*
Yamato:  Naruto?  Where are you going?
Naruto:  To put the shadows to good use  *grins and jumps into Sasuke's arms*
Sakura:  Wait!  Wait wait!  You were supposed to bring him out here not go in with him! 
Orochimaru:  Wait a minute... do you hear music?
Kabuto:  It sounds like... Tetris.
Sai:  My god... they're playing Tetris?!
Naruto:  I only read crack fics!  ACK!  Sasuke, get your hand off my ass!
Sasuke:  That's not my hand, it's a shadow.
Naruto:  Oh...
Haku:  Sweet mother of God I still hate this series...