It's that time again...

[des-butterfly.livejournal.com]

Yes folks, time for Cupcake/Sasuke crack.  Some of you will remember these much beloved tales of Sasuke's quest to top random objects.  Now we take another step in our sage and askhfaksjdfk  brain breakage!  *__*

Title:  A Tragic Affair
Author:  des_butterfly
Genre:  crack, inanimate object smut, ZOMG ANGST
Pairing:  Sasuke/Kleenex, Cupcake/Sasuke
Rating:  R
Summary:  Sasuke finally finds someone to top, but it doesn't work out so well.
Warnings:  SEX AND CHARACTER DEATH.  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

--

Sasuke was very excited.  He’d finally found it—the one person he was sure he could top!  All it took was a stroll through the grocery mart one lazy afternoon and there, in the toiletries aisle, was his uke…Kleenex.

Kleenex, with his soft, downy three-ply softness and pure white body.  Kleenex, who peeked shyly out of his box when Sasuke passed, quivering in anticipation as Sasuke closed his hand around him.

Of course, Sasuke had to have Kleenex at that very moment.

So, Sasuke took Kleenex and ran back to his apartment, abandoning his bag of tomatoes in his extreme haste.  He opened the door cautiously and peeked in all the different rooms to make sure Cupcake had not arrived home before him.  When he saw the house was empty, he took Kleenex out and brought him over to the bed.

Sasuke bit his lip as he pushed two fingers past the plastic sheath of Kleenex’s box, penetrating inside to slowly draw Kleenex out.

“Oh Sasuke-sama,” Kleenex cried, arching into Sasuke’s touch.  “Please be gentle with me!”

Sasuke smiled in cruel delight and curled his fingers against Kleenex’s soft surface.  With great satisfaction, he said the words he’d been waiting to say for years now.

“Shut up and take it, bitch.”

And then Sasuke was pulling Kleenex out with frantic, rough movements and undoing his pants with his other hand, fumbling with the buttons while Kleenex moaned and panted and collapsed delicately around his fingers.

Sasuke began to thrust into Kleenex, groaning at the slight smell of lavender and the moisturizing lotion pressed into Kleenex’s tissues.  The softness sliding across his erection was too much.

“I…I’m coming!” Sasuke yelled, thrusting harder into Kleenex.  And then it happened.

Sasuke ripped clear through Kleenex’s paper body with a soft, wet sound.  Kleenex cried out once and then wilted around Sasuke’s member and he knew that Kleenex was dead.  Dead by Sasuke’s own…hand.

“Noooo,” Sasuke moaned, tears appearing in his eyes.  “Oh God, no, Kleenex!  Why?”

A small cough behind him made Sasuke stiffen in fear.  He turned with red-rimmed eyes to find Cupcake staring at him in disapproval. 

“Oh Sasuke…what have you done?” Cupcake asked, softly.

Sasuke winced and avoided Cupcake’s gaze.  “I…I didn’t mean to,” he whispered.  “It just happened.”

“You never mean to.  And yet, look where we are?” 

“…’M sorry.”

Cupcake sighed and lifted the crumpled body of Kleenex, tossing him in the wastebasket.  Sasuke kept his eyes on the ground in front of him.

“Apologies aren’t going to make up for the fact that you killed Kleenex with your selfish desire to find someone to top, Sasuke,” Cupcake chided, his tone harder than the candy bits sprinkling his frosting.

Sasuke flinched and bowed down on hands and knees, the very picture of misery.  He’d only wanted to top someone.  Why was that so bad?  Why did it have to turn out this way?

Cupcake watched Sasuke’s hunched shoulders for a few seconds, unmoved.

“And what have we learned from this?” Cupcake asked.  “What?”

Sasuke mumbled something incomprehensible, eyes glued to the floor where Cupcake’s wrapping rustled impatiently.

“Speak up, I can’t hear you!”

“…that I can’t be a seme,” Sasuke finished, pouting.  “But I want to top!”  His eyes raised to meet Cupcake’s frosting defiantly, hand clenching into fists.

“Sasuke.” Cupcake’s voice thundered loudly in the small room and Sasuke resisted the urge to bare his throat at the commanding tone.  “You obviously haven’t learned anything at all from this experience.”

A chain rattled from somewhere behind Cupcake and Sasuke’s eyes widened.

“Allow me teach you,” Cupcake purred, swiping some frosting through Sasuke’s hair and down his bare chest, leaving sticky white streaks in its wake.

Sasuke shivered and leaned into the touch.  Visions of how Kleenex had folded around him at the first brutal thrust danced behind his closed eyes; he could only hope he would be strong enough to avoid doing the same.

--

fin.

--

Comments

[bubble.livejournal.com]

OMG. I never read the other crackfics, but I must do so right now. Win. So much...win... *dies*

[ultrasushi.livejournal.com]

... *dies* XD

Don't worry, Sasuke-kun. In a few years you'll meet Sai. Then you'll be able to top. >D

[csc-lupisstone.livejournal.com]

Poor Sasuke-kun. It's all because of his name that he's unable to be seme. *giggles*

*mourns Kleenex*

[organictapioca.livejournal.com]

So... much... crack...


*implodes*


...


x3

[jbmcdragon.livejournal.com]

...

I think you broke my brain. Yup, there are bits leaking out my ears right now. *snickers* Who knew you could make Kleenex sound vaguely erotic? *dies laughing*

J

[supermadichan.livejournal.com]

*dies from laughter and crack overdose*

Oh, my God...priceless.

[ellrohan.livejournal.com]

I'm never going to be able to buy either cupcakes or Kleenex ever again.

But that aside OLOLOL this is deeply craked up ^_________^ *beam*