chuunin_archive | The Body Pillow.

Title: Body Pillow
Summary:
Pairing: Team Seven(?), Crackish, not really. Eh.
Characters: Sasuke, Sakura, Naruto, Kakashi
Warning: Um, Naaa- Daaa.
Notes: The parentheses are definitely in the story, not my sardonic commentary on life. Okay? Okay.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Today was not a good day. In fact, today was a horrible day for Haruno Sakura. Haruno Sakura, medic-nin trained under the Fifth Hokage herself. Haruno Sakura, formerly the student of Hatake Kakashi or the famed Copy-ninja of the Hidden Leaf. Haruno Sakura, the kunoichi who defeated Sasori of the sand at age fifteen. Haruno Sakura, that pink-haired girl who hangs out with the Uchiha and Naruto. Haruno Sakura, isn't she the one who -

Okay, that was enough. The point was that today was filled with civilians who thought they knew her (when in reality, the only knew of her) and constantly pointed it out to everyone and everything in the village. Which, by the way, caused the ultimate failure of her mission that needed to have the utmost secrecy. Whoever thought it was a good idea to send someone like her on a mission like that is an idiot.

Curse her paternal genes! Curse the Hokage for giving a pink-haired girl a mission that needed to be subtle. Curse Kakashi for not teaching her anything like -

But none of that matters anyway. Sure, it means that they'll have to stay out here in a foreign country for three more months. And sure, she'll have to listen to Naruto complain about it while Sasuke - OHMYGOD, get over yourself.

Ahem.

Anyways, it was late and she was tired, and right now, Sakura was going to get a much deserved night's sleep. Without even bothering to take off her clothes (or shut the door for that matter), she plopped onto her bed and snuggled up next to her body pillow.

"Goodnight, body pillow." she said, too tired to care if it pillow if bothered to reply back.

"Goodnight, Sakura-chan." it replied sleepily.

The kunoichi just smiled to herself and snuggled her body pillow. Wait, since when did she have -

She screamed. A kunai was immediately in her hand as Kakashi and Sasuke busted into her room (meanwhile, Inner-Sakura was rolling her eyes, "Figures."). "Who are you? What do you want? Why are you here? How do you know my name?" With every question she asked, her voice was getting shriller and shriller until it was an almost unbearable shriek.

The light was turned on.

"Dobe."

Now, there was only one person Sasuke called 'dobe' and that person was -

"Naruto," she growled out, "Why were you pretending to be my body pillow?"

"Because..." he trailed off, eyes looking everywhere but her.

Sakura rose an eyebrow, "Because..."

"BECAUSE I WAS SCARED, OKAY?"

Their team leader sighed in exasperation. "Naruto, you're a ninja, what's there to be scared of?"

"ZOMBIES! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!"

Sakura smacked a hand to her large forehead, "I knew we shouldn't have let him watch Resident Evil last night."

That caught his attention. "You let him watch a horror movie?"

"He's almost eighteen!"

"Yeah," he paused, trying to defend himself, "By three months!"

"He's a ninja."

"And an orphan."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

Naruto and Sasuke exchanged glances. "Teme."

"Dobe."

And then a secret conversation went on between them that only friends with bonds as unbreakable (ha, here that, Sasuke? Unbreakable, you couldn't break those bonds because it was telepathy. Yeah... what? Anyway -) as theirs could only understand. It went like this:

Bedroom?

Now.

No homo.

Hn. Dobe.

"-has a fox inside of him! You mean to tell me that he can't withstand pretend creatures from a movie? Seriously! And what about - hey, where'd they go?"

"Hm, how would I know? They're your friends."

"They're your responsibility."

And then, he got an idea. "So..." he began, "We're all alone... in your room... by ourselves with nothing but our bodies to-"

"Not tonight."

"Damn."

"I'm sorry, Kakashi, are you upset that I won't have sex with you?"

"Yes."

"Fine, I'm taking a shower. Would you like to contribute?"

Don't listen to her! It's a trap! His mind tried to tell him but he didn't listen. Of course... "Well, of course-"

"BECAUSE I WOULD NOT."

Damn.