chuunin_archive | We Have Slaughtered

Title: We Have Slaughtered - Drabble 2
Summary: Day one of people searching and I'm five seconds away from slaughtering sensei, seriously.
Characters: Kakashi, Sakura, that's it, everyone else is dead. Why is that so funny?
Disclaimer: I am highly unprofessional.
Warnings: Character death? I guess... oh, and dead animals.
For

seoinage

February 5th, Day One

Dear Diary,

You are sensei's gift to me. I might consider not throwing him into the nearest tree if he shuts the hell up.

He just commented on my passive aggressive teenage angst.

I am going to kill him.

I am currently ten seconds away from slaughtering sensei and living on my own. Seriously, I'd take slowly losing my mind by myself over slowly losing my mind with sensei any day.

I'm not making sense,
insert teenage angst here,
Sakura.

P.S. It's disappointing to know that you would rather go crazy all by your lonesome then go crazy with me.
P.P.S. STAY OUT OF MY DIARY.

From what seemed like forever, but it was probably just fourteen minutes, they had been walking - to preserve their chakra, for what reason, Sakura had no idea because there was absolutely no one around to attack them. No one. No one!

Then, they came across a village. A burnt, black, crusty and deserted village, Sakura knew that they would find nothing there but Kakashi had insisted upon it. Strangely enough, Sakura was wrong. There was someone there.

Kakashi stopped suddenly, which caused Sakura to slam into his back and complain about it right after. Loudly. "Sakura," Kakashi snapped back, albeit a little rudely. "Do you hear that?"

Her brow furrowed as she strained her ears to hear something. So far, there was nothing; seriously, it was probably just that stupid eye of his again - wait, shuffling. She heard shuffling! And shuffling meant that there had to be some organism with enough brain to move, meaning that they found someone - alive. Actually, there was a bunch of someone's.

Which clucked at her. And by 'someone' she means chickens. Lots and lots of chickens.

Her animosity of earthbound, fat birds have never been more pronounced then today. Chicken. They were overturning a village for chickens. No doubt, to eat the chickens, but still - what about the other nine villages they passed this morning? They had ducks and geese and, yes, chickens!

"Really?" she asked, "Really. Chickens." They clucked back at her, to which she childishly stuck her tongue out at them, and plotted their untimely death. With lemon and maybe some butter if there was a cow around.

Kakashi, who already had a bloodied kunai out, shrugged off-handedly before gutting another chicken. "Food is food, Sakura." he paused, examining the underside of the bird, "and these birds were bred to be just that." He finished, eye creasing up happily.

Ugh. Only Kakashi could make slaughtering chickens look adorable.

Sakura whipped a hand over her face. She was tired and exasperated. Really. She was. Here she was thinking that they found someone, and then she wouldn't have to bear Kakashi's children. Also, she could get away from Kakashi; that was a plus.

Kakashi stopped plucking the dead chicken's feathers from its body to give Sakura a look. Now, this look was something Sakura became very familiar with in their short time stuck together. It was his 'tell me now' look.

"What's wrong?"

Sakura's lip trembled slightly. "I thought we were going to find someone. No offense, sensei, but I'd rather not bear your children at the age of sixteen."

The Copy Nin sighed to himself. "Sakura, I wouldn't ask you to bear my children now. Maybe a few years down the road, when you eventually fall in love with me and beg me to take you now. Then, I'll-"

Sakura threw her diary into the dirt, stomped over to him, grabbed his vest and made him eye-level with her. "WHAT."

"-Sakura, it's rude to talk while someone else is talking - anyway, you'll beg me to have sex with you and then I'll have no choice but to-"

"EXCUSE ME? BEG YOU? SEX? FALL IN LOVE? WITH YOU?" Sakura snorted through her nose. "Ha!" she barked, "Like I would ever fall in love with you, sensei."

"You say that now, but what if you do?"

And Sakura had the gall to look disgusted. Really. Kakashi wasn't bad looking - not that she would know - but he really wasn't! "Ew! Gross!" Sakura immediately released him of his hold and jumped back a few paces; Kakashi resumed with the de-feathering of the chickens.

"Sex is not gross, Sakura; it's a beautiful and pleasuring-"

"Sensei!" she screeched, "Stop talking about sex like that!" She picked up a good sized rock and threw it at him, which he dodged and killed a poor innocent chicken in the process.

Kakashi let out a laugh and continued plucking the chicken. "Like what, Sakura-chan?" That's right, lay on the charm, act like you respect her and then go in for the kill.

"Like it's something that we're going to be doing!" she paused, thinking about her previous statement for a moment before continuing, "Together!" she finally added, throwing another rock.

The Hatake fixed her with his gaze, "I have needs, Sakura-chan."

Her mouth flopped open like a fish, and then she blushed brightly. Kakashi was surprised that she didn't throw him into the shed right next to him. "W-we-well, yo-you can - can take your n-needs and-and shove them up your ass! Or a tight, moist place - whichever you prefer!"

His eyes flashed dangerously as he caught her gaze again. "The only place I'll be sticking my needs, Sakura-chan, is in a woman. Preferrably an attractive one, but I guess you'll do."

An enraged yell escaped her mouth. Sakura swallowed thickly. She didn't know if she should be really turned on or really creeped out. Either way, it deserved another rock or two because there was no way Sakura was going over there and touching him. And maybe that cart she saw over there. She couldn't risk physical contact. Not that Kakashi-sensei would do anything to her that she wouldn't like, per say, but Sakura was slightly afraid if she acted on her own feelings - especially the ones toward her sensei - which would only ignite if the pads of his fingers brushed her skin. The medic-nin was shivering just thinking about it.

"What's wrong?" he teased, surrounded by the debris of the cart she threw at him. "Copy Ninja got your tongue?"

"Oh, the only person who will have my tongue is me! (And this is when Kakashi muttered something along the lines of "We'll see about that, Sakura." before Sakura threw a stool at his head) You hear me, Kakashi-sensei?"

"Come on, Sakura, will life with me really be that bad?"

"Yes." she retorted, highly offended and without thinking. "Well... maybe."

"See? You're already warming up to it-"

"Will you show me your face?" she perked up.

"No."

Sakura deflated, before glaring at him and walking away into the shack they declared as their shelter for the night. "Not bearing your children!"

Dear Diary,

I hate chickens.

Sakura

P.S. The chickens hate you, too.
P.P.S. DON'T YOU HAVE SOME JACKING OFF TO DO?

Note: Yes, I know an awful lot about chickens. Shut up. I do not live on a farm.